• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Laura Lollar

Communication Consultant, Speaker, Writer

  • Article Archives
  • Subscribe
  • About
  • Facilitator
    • Colorado Partnering Facilitator
    • Colorado Strategic Planning Facilitator
    • Colorado Teambuilding Facilitator
  • Coach
    • Colorado Springs Communication Coach
  • Speaker

Leadership

Dec 07 2020

DISC Dominant, Directive Personality Style

I once had a client who supervised a large department for a financial services company. She was a wonderful lady to work for — fun, smart and very good at her job. We got along great. While debriefing her results on the DISC personality assessment, she said something that really surprised me.

“Laura, you’ve said it’s important to greet people when I come into work in the morning and ask how they’re doing. I usually do say good morning, but when it comes right down to it, I don’t really care. YOU might care, but I do it because I know it motivates some people and it’s what they need from me to do their best work. I do it because I know it gets results.”

She knows it’s what good leaders do. They adapt to what their employees need, even it’s not something that comes naturally or is important to them.

This supervisor’s motto was “Git ‘er done!” She was all about results and didn’t want to spend a lot of time worrying about people’s feelings. But she knew not everyone on her team had the same style. Some wanted to feel like their manager cared about them as a person.

She was a high “D” or dominant/directive/driver personality style.

Benefits of the High D Style

  1. These folks make great leaders. They are action oriented, wired to take on challenges and overcome opposition. They move through the world quickly and love to solve problems. They’re task oriented (vs relationship), thrive on a variety of assignments and opportunities to excel. Good with change, they will challenge the status quo.
  2. They are great entrepreneurs because they don’t get easily discouraged. They make good courtroom lawyers and possess a great deal of “bench strength” and self-confidence. Control, power and authority are important to them. They’d rather ask for forgiveness than seek permission. Some believe that rules are meant to be broken or at least bent.
  3. They feel the need to push harder and will rely on their own internal fortitude vs outer forces (like research or committees) to accomplish their goals. They respect people who challenge and stand up to them.
  4. Our “High D” folks make things happen. They persevere and overcome overwhelming odds. They take on large responsibilities, seize the reins of leadership and achieve great things.

The Evil Twin

But just like all our personality styles, some behaviors taken to extremes reveal the dark side or an “evil twin” that can slow their success.

  1. High “D” people can be intimidating. One supervisor I coached was surprised her team members wouldn’t bring their problems to her. She’d say, “I don’t understand why they don’t come to me.” Well, she came on SO strong that it made it doubly difficult for an employee to raise issues. She was too abrupt. Her preference for short, direct answers made it difficult for some to explain their circumstances without feeling cut off.
  2. They can show impatience. They’ll cut to the chase and don’t care for a lot of detail or backstory. They want short, direct answers and don’t like to waste time. When handing out results of the DISC Personality Assessment I try to walk people through the report in a logical sequence. My High “D” folks have already flipped to the end and are waiting to move on.
  3. They may become workaholics. Task accomplishment is primary and relationships often take a back seat. They are driven. Success may be defined as status, titles and public achievements. They push themselves and can go overboard engaging in activities to earn recognition at the expense of other priorities.

How to Get Constructive Outcomes

Taken to extremes, their evil twin needs to listen to others, take time to build relationships, get input, include people in the decision-making process and explain their reasoning. Some may perceive them as lacking empathy and being overly forceful.

Since most of us have a secondary style, our High D folks can call on those traits to work better with others. They don’t have to change their personality, but can flex and stretch to use strengths that complement their hard-charging nature.

Becoming aware of how others see us is half the battle. Ask more, tell less. Seek out those with opposite styles vs “look alikes” to join your team. Recognize your definition of success is filtered through your personal preferences and you could get better results by experimenting with another approach.

There is no one “best” personality style, but knowing more about ourselves makes it easier to learn what jobs to pursue, why some friendships last longer than others and what we can do to build self-confidence. We also raise our chances of better understanding our kids, customers, co-workers, spouses and business partners. Ultimately, turning the lens inward and building self-awareness turns life into a happier production!

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Leadership · Tagged: DISC facilitator, dominant personalities

Oct 26 2020

How to Squash Obnoxious Behavior

Never before had I left a training program worrying a participant might slash my tires.

But that was what I feared after presenting a class on interpersonal skills and how to communicate with difficult people.

The manager who hired me approached as I entered the room.

She whispered, “There will be a lady in your class today who is a real challenge. It won’t take you long to figure out who she is. I hope you can say something to change her behavior with co-workers.”

And she was right. Sitting near the front was a woman who couldn’t hide her unhappiness at having to be in this class. Her expressions were pure contempt.

She rolled her eyes continuously, laughed sarcastically and put on a side show that distracted all 50 people in the room.

At one point, we discussed how to handle people with strong personality styles and difficult behaviors with candor, coaching and courtesy. She snorted and rolled her eyes again. It was the perfect time to show the class and her manager how to handle the situation.

I looked at her. “You, for instance, may have a strong personality style, but my guess is you also have the backbone to handle candid feedback. Your eye rolling, snorting and dismissive behaviors are distracting everyone in the class.”

Crickets. Her face turned red. She sat quietly for the rest of the class, but if looks could kill.

Once the class was over, everyone but the lady with daggers in her eyes and her manager headed directly for the door. I listened calmly to the lambasting as her supervisor watched from the other side of the room. Then I said, “When you rolled your eyes and snorted it felt very disrespectful to me, your co-workers and your manager. Your behaviors were disrupting the class. I wanted you to realize the impact you were having on us all.”

She stormed from the room and I made a mental note to check my tires.

Her supervisor was visibly nervous. “Can you give me some tips on how to handle her? I’ve tried everything but, well, you can see how she is.”

“You’ve got two choices. Ignore her behaviors and they may get worse over time. You’ll lose good people who won’t want to put up with her and she’ll reflect poorly on your ability to manage. Or, you can document her behaviors and put her on a performance plan. Be clear about expectations, coach her on specific instances and give her positive feedback if you notice improvement. Otherwise, help her ‘self select’ to move on to another job or let her go.”

Over the years I’ve wondered if I handled it correctly. Should I have called for a break and taken her outside the room for a private coaching moment? Would it have made any difference? Or should I have ignored her behaviors?

Let me know what you think in the comments below.

P.S. My tires were fine.

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Communication, Leadership · Tagged: difficult people

Oct 11 2020

5 Things Leaders Must Deliver for Better Engagement

People aren’t complicated. Human nature is fairly predictable. And we don’t need a plethora of rules and regulations to define every possible way a person might step out of line. Typically we can boil it all down to the basics — a few simple things most people want and deserve from the folks in charge.

The Principle of Legitimacy in Leadership

At the 1814 Congress of Vienna, an idea was proposed to help restore to power the lawful monarchs from royal families who ruled before Napoleon. Titled the Principle of Legitimacy, it was a governance guideline to ensure peace and order. It included five common sense concepts that most of us would agree should be the basis for sound leadership:

  1. Rules don’t change: people like to know what they can count on. No one likes to be evaluated against a moving target. Some say a sense of certainty is one of the greatest human needs.
  2. Authority is fair: remember when you were a kid and you got punished for something your sibling did? We didn’t like it then and now that we’re grown up, fairness is even more important. However, fair doesn’t always have to mean equal. People need different things and deserve to have their circumstances take into consideration.
  3. Things make sense: the reasonable person wants to see a pattern, cause of action, greater purpose and ends that justify the means. Nobody likes to feel like they fell down the rabbit hole. Too often policies are established that work for one team but are totally nonsensical for another.
  4. People have a voice: they want the opportunity to raise issues, express concerns, identify gaps. Freedom of speech is a bedrock right of the people of our nation. Many organizations do themselves in when people don’t feel free to speak up. Too many problems go unsolved because people don’t want to be labeled, “not a team player.”
  5. People need to be heard: some say we humans are one big walking ear. In over 35 studies, listening was identified as a top skill needed in business today. Yet, fewer than 2% of us receive training in listening skills. Read this Harvard Business review article on listening.

Ensure the above listed needs are addressed in every major workplace training such as internal and external customer service, employee engagement, job satisfaction, harassment prevention, teamwork, communication skills and leadership. Most definitely leadership. Then embed then in performance reviews for frontline supervisors, team leads or anyone managing a group of people for whatever purpose, even if it’s the neighborhood bake sale.

Another Approach to Leadership

Sometimes it’s easier to say what we won’t do versus what we shall do. Otherwise you have an increasingly long and complicated set of rules that try to capture every possible way people can mess up. (If you’ve been a supervisor, project lead, parent or teacher you know how creative people can be!)

You could define your mission by simply stating, “We agree to do nothing to embarrass our constituents, compromise our values or (the best one yet) require a lawyer.”

Or, “We agree to do nothing that is disrespectful to one another and requires an intervention from the boss or the Human Resources Department.”

Can you see how those simple statements could benefit a team when trying to establish norms of behavior? They define what people will NOT do versus what they SHOULD do. This limits the parameters greatly. You can start broad and then, if necessary, narrow the scope.

Why, even our U.S. Bill of Rights outlines governance using negative terms: “Congress shall make NO law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

The framers intent was obviously to give law-making power to Congress to lead within a framework of constraint.

What was true in 1787 and 1814 is still true today. Let’s keep things simple, easy to communicate, able to withstand the test of time and establish guidelines the average person can understand. That would make life a whole heckuva lot easier for people we interact with and ensure you get better engagement no matter what the project, policy or plan.

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Communication, Leadership · Tagged: engagement, free speech, leadership, listening

Sep 26 2020

Why Your Biggest Embarrassment Makes You a Better Leader

Has something happened to you that you’re embarrassed to admit? Was it fair? Was it your fault? Do you feel like a fraud? Are you letting it keep you from leading in your field, forging ahead towards a worthy goal or being of service to others?

We were having lunch, my friend and I, catching up on business and life. But there was a purpose for our meeting that had a lot to do with his future plans. So after the small talk, he told me his story.

“I was passed over for promotion. It took me totally by surprise and put an end to my career. The worst part was, everyone knew it. I went from being the ‘go to guy’ to someone they’d pass in the hall with little more than ‘hello.’ My opinions were ignored. Invitations dried up. It was the longest year of my life.”

But the opinion he held of himself was more significant than the reaction of co-workers. It shook his self-confidence and made him question the future.

“How can I help others achieve great things when I wasn’t successful in my own career? What give me the right to offer advice, when I feel like I was a failure?”

  • Can you improve a relationship after you’ve been divorced?
  • Can you still parent if your child took a dark path?
  • Are you considered a community leader after losing an election?
  • Does depression keep you from offering hope to another?
  • Are you ashamed of something in your life that you’re using as a reason to keep from moving forward?

My friend almost did. And that would have been a darned shame. It’s because of that experience his value increased.

No one wants to follow someone whose never been tested. You have figured out ways to bounce back from disappointment, rejection and loss.

Like Thomas Edison, you’ve learned thousands of ways NOT to do something. You have learned how to navigate rough waters.

Do not let your worth be defined by one sliver in time. And don’t let the wisdom and experience you’ve gained from life’s ups and downs go to waste.

If you allow this one event to keep you isolated and diminished, someone somewhere will suffer because they didn’t have access to lessons you learned.

You offer others a high value alternative to what, too often, is the norm.

“Big head, no brain. Big snake, no rattle. Big boat no paddle. Big belly, no heart.” (From the song, Big Hat, No Cattle by singer Randy Newman)

You may not be perfect, wealthy or powerful by popular measure, but people of substance recognize battle scars as stripes on your sleeve.

In basic training, they took away our civilian clothes and issued fatigues, a version of the working man’s overalls. Only after we passed numerous tests and weeks of training did we get to wear our dress blues. Basically, you had to “earn your clothes.”

You have earned your clothes and through your struggles have built a great deal of equity in character and competence.

And you’re not alone. Many around you have forged ahead despite tremendous turmoil. You can tell who they are. There is wisdom in their eyes, patience in their soul and compassion in their heart.

Those are the folks with the biggest impact on others. They’ve earned the right to say they are leaders.

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Leadership · Tagged: coaching, leadership

Sep 14 2020

Best Leadership Story Ever!

When I graduated from high school, I decided to enlist in the US Air Force. The idea of earning money for college, building a career and seeing the world intrigued and excited me. My friends were surprised. My parents were supportive. There was just one small problem – I had to lose 20 pounds to meet the Air Force weight requirements.

So all summer long I ate hard boiled eggs and green salads. I ran around the neighborhood trying to jog off the weight. And slowly it did come off.

Then came the big day when my parents drove me to the Induction Center in Buffalo NY. I was eager to board the plane to basic training, but first there was a physical to face.

I sucked in my breath and stepped on the scale. The little old man with the bald head and wire rimmed glasses moved the weight slowly across the bar. I froze and watched as it settled in place just short of the goal. And my future fogged over as he said, “I’m sorry, young lady, but you don’t pass. You’re three pounds too heavy.”

I was devastated. Who knew how long I’d have to wait before I could join. Facing my siblings and friends would be embarrassing. We’d already said our good-byes.

So I waited for my recruiter, Terry Nichols, to find me as I sat in the hall pondering my fate. He was a tall, thin man who had been very encouraging during my Summer of Sacrifice. He was eager to hear my news, but could tell something was wrong.

I’m not going Terry,” I said with the tears starting to slip. “I still have three pounds to lose.”

He sat quietly for a minute, then jumped up and asked, “How bad do you want to join the Air Force?” He asked. I replied, “It’s the most important thing in my life.”

“Okay then, we’re not done yet.” And he opened the door to the stairwell and said, “Follow me.”

Together we ran up and down the stairs of the Federal Building in Buffalo NY until my legs were so wobbly I could hardly stand. He ran those stairs beside me, ahead of me and behind me urging me on. He could have just let me give up, but he didn’t.

After I could run no more, Terry got me scheduled for a re-weigh. The little old bald man with the glasses was surprised to see me back. I stepped up on that scale and watched again as he moved the weight across the bar. And it stopped at half-pound-too-heavy. I looked deep into that man’s eyes and prayed for a miracle.

He leaned over and whispered, “Young lady, I’m going to let you pass. But if you EVER tell ANYONE about this, I’ll haunt you till the day you die!”

So, I tell this story every chance I get and I haven’t been haunted yet. Here’s what I learned about leadership that day:

  • Nothing motivates people more than the example others set and we need only take the first few steps to inspire them.
  • Leaders can get just as much mileage by running beside their people as well as in front.
  • The “scales” can only measure so much — one’s character is measured by commitment.
  • If you want to join the team, you must be willing to do the hard work ahead of time.

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Leadership · Tagged: leadership

  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to Next Page »

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • Secrets of the DISC High I Influencer Behavioral Style
  • DISC Dominant, Directive Personality Style
  • Secrets of Your Personality Style
  • How to Squash Obnoxious Behavior
  • 5 Things Leaders Must Deliver for Better Engagement
  • Interview with Relationship Coach and Friend Audrey Burton
  • Why Your Biggest Embarrassment Makes You a Better Leader

Copyright © 2021 · Laura Lollar · Communicate Colorado LLC