“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” —George Eliot
I was having lunch with a colleague when he leaned in and said, “Can I ask you a personal question?”
I said, “Of course! What’s up?”
“I have been thinking about starting a leadership coaching practice, but there’s something that’s holding me back.”
Knowing this man as a very intelligent and accomplished person, I was curious what could keep him from pursuing that path. So I asked, “What’s keeping you from pursuing it?”
“Well, when I was in the military, I only made it to a certain rank and then I was passed over for promotion. It’s one of the reasons why I retired when I did.”
Now, I was really curious. “So why would that prevent you from starting a coaching business?”
He frowned and sat back. Then he explained what was really worrying him.
“How can I coach someone on leadership when I was deemed unfit to progress to the next level in my career? They obviously felt I was lacking the right qualities to lead others. Who is going to pay me for my advice when I can’t prove I’m qualified. Basically, I guess I don’t think I’m good enough.”
My gosh, I sat there astonished that this man was holding back when he had so much to offer others. He had published a book. He was a faculty member at a local college. He ran his own consulting business and conducted trainings all over the world.
How could he NOT be qualified?
Why He Was Sorely Mistaken
I said, “John, for decades you served in a leadership role. Regardless of your position, you supervised teams of people. You counseled them, helped them through challenging times, promoted them because you saw their wonderful qualities, managed difficult people and even terminated them when necessary. You did all this while still achieving operational goals.”
He agreed. “Yes, I did all that. But in the end, I failed. They didn’t think me qualified.”
I was sitting on the edge of my seat at this point, eager to show him just why he was eminently qualified to coach others.
“John, it’s because you were passed over that you will be an excellent coach! You experienced significant disappointment. How many others have faced something similar in their lives — been fired, lost out on the job of their dreams, started a business and failed, were demoted? Most people have faced something they are ashamed of. Most people are looking for ways to overcome that feeling so they can pick themselves up and try again.”
He said, “Yes, I suppose that’s true. But I’m still hesitant. I guess I want some guarantees.”
That’s the thing. There are no guarantees. And like Yoda said, “Do or do not. There is no try.”
5 Ways To Make It Happen
Is there something you’d like to do, but you’re hesitating? Is your self-talk similar to John’s where he doesn’t feel qualified enough? Do you need validation? Are you waiting for approval from others?
Please begin. Here are some ways you can break down barriers and push yourself forward:
- List your accomplishments. This is one of the biggest morale boosters out there. Go back through all your life experiences and jobs and make a bulleted list of what you’ve achieved. These don’t have to be “knock it out of the park” successes, but things you did that you felt good about. Include tasks people complimented you on. Tasks you’d like to repeat if given the chance. Maybe something you started but never completed and would like to take another crack at it. Then sit back and ponder all that you’ve done.
- Ask yourself, “Why not me?” Why shouldn’t you pursue that certificate program, get a better paying or more rewarding job, succeed at a small business, create beautiful art, record awesome music, author a book, pursue the promotion, ask that attractive person out for a date, win a ribbon at the marathon, etc. You deserve it. Imagine yourself getting exactly what you want. Lots of other people get what they’re after — why not you?
- Be not afraid to start over. Okay, so you stumbled. Just like John, many people have. But unless it’s a matter of life or death, you get to begin again. Today. Maybe you have better insights this time. Perhaps you’ve learned from others. You can build on your past experiences, only now you will avoid the missteps that got in your way before. Read how my 93 year old Dad did it and the lessons I’ve learned from him:
- Don’t wait until everything’s perfect. I knew a person who waited to open their business until they had the perfect business card design. It put him months behind and in the process he no doubt missed out on some great opportunities. He didn’t feel comfortable promoting himself until he had that perfect little card in his pocket. Like most things, you can iterate along the way, learning what works and what doesn’t. If you’re hesitating, ask yourself, “Am I waiting until X is done because I’m afraid of failure?” You’ll never get to “perfect” so don’t let that hold you back.
- Start small. Dip your toe in the water. Send up that trial balloon. You’ve heard those cliches before, right? Rarely does anyone hit a home run the first time they take the field. Probably never. If you start with small steps you can build on success, or at least learn what not to do next time. Start by telling someone what you’re striving towards, then tell them the first thing you’re going to do in order to achieve it. That will get you rolling!
Want More Support?
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