(Photo: me and Dad, a few years past)
This Father’s Day is poignant because it’s the first one without my Dad. Before he passed, he shared a message I want to devote to today’s article. Whether you’re a dad, or you love someone who is, his message was, “Never give up on your kids.”
Never Give Up On You
Yes, it’s true. We never want to give up on our kids, no matter how wild and crazy their decisions might be, their lifestyles, the people they marry or the way they spend their money. (Even the way they vote!)
But more importantly, my message today is also, never give up on you!
Every dad I know carries regrets. They second guess themselves about the way they raised (or are raising) their children. They wish they had do-overs:
Wish they could have changed the words they used. The look on that little face made them catch their breath.
Wish they could have spent more time —coaching, counseling, playing, listening —but there was always so much else to be done.
Wish they’d worked harder and provided more. The needs were always great.
Some days, those doubts creep into the quiet moments.
The Gifts You’ve Given Them
But here’s what children remember. The times you…
- got up early to take her to practice and watched until she finished
- drove 20 miles, both ways, to pick him up from his first job, at the start and end of his shift
- took his best friend along on the camping trip because the boy had never been on one
- gave her her allowance early so she could buy a Mother’s Day gift
- helped him finish cleaning the grill, even if it was on his chore list
- told her she had talent, gifts and the smarts to be whatever she wanted to be
- came to his class on career day to describe the work you do —he was so proud of you!
So many small, unspoken ways you’ve been there for them! They may never tell you. But the impression you left will never fade.
There’s Still Time
And if you’d like that “do over,” in most cases, there’s still time to watch their eyes soften, light up, flicker with recognition and see the real you. It doesn’t take much to plant a seed. A card, a phone call, a text. Whether or not you get the kind of response you’d hoped for.
The effort will have an impact. And maybe it will compound each time you reach out.
And maybe, one day, before you die, your child will write you a letter to say how important you’ve been to them.
Or perhaps you’ll be the one writing that letter!
Father’s Day Small Business Spotlight
Father & Son Library by Brandon Moore: “Mentoring men into Better Brothers for mankind, Husbands for wives, Fathers for children and Sons for parents, for the betterment of society. One day at a time.” Brandon has published multiple books about masculinity, boyhood, manhood, and fatherhood. You can find his books on Amazon — Fathering the Boy (annotated): Returning Fatherhood to Masculinity and A Dad’s Guide to Living Fully, Loving Deeply and Leaving a Lasting Legacy
The Fatherhood Manifesto: A Defense of Fatherhood – and 50 Practical Tips to be a Better, More Involved Dad by Alex Berenson. “In The Fatherhood Manifesto, Alex Berenson, author of the best-selling and groundbreaking “Unreported Truths” series – and father of three – offers a unique, punchy, and long-overdue take on why fathers matter – and how to be a better dad. This easy-to-read booklet offers advice that is provocative and practical, funny and thoughtful. It stands as a necessary corrective to a culture that has devalued fatherhood and the masculine parenting virtues of stoicism and independence.” Get it on Amazon.
Echoes From an Old Hollow Tree by Ryan B. Anderson “A weekly reflection on nature, family, and tradition: the good green things that endure in a world that’s lost its way. These insights will help you stay grounded, steady, and connected to what truly matters. Amid essays on the turning seasons, the work of fatherhood, and the long labor of restoring a neglected forest and tending bees, you will find something useful for your own life: perspective, practices, and a sense of belonging to something older, steadier, and real.” Find Ryan’s products at HummingMeadow.com: Vermont made honey and maple syrup, beeswax candles, artisan home goods and cotton apparel.
Another Small Business Announcement: Pinehurst Press
Dear friends, I formed a publishing business. Pinehurst Press is a small, but mighty entity dedicated to publishing print and downloadable products. They’ll soon flood the market! (Just kidding. It will be a slow but steady product development effort.)
One of the most popular products are the premium notecards I sold years ago at craft sales. They feature woodsy critters and the picture of my cabin that burned in the wildfire. (See in the image below) My brother, Eric R. Schickler of Vail CO, photographed the wildlife then we turned the images into colorful prints by artist Bennet Evens of Denver CO.
Well, now they’re featured on my alter ego humor website, CabinMama.com/shop. I’d be very happy if you wander on over and give it a look. There are tons of humorous articles on that site, and if you decide to order something, that would be wonderful too! Thank you!
On My Bookshelf and Ready to Read
Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely. “Duke University’s behavioral economist Dan Ariely explores the hidden forces that shape our decisions…Ariely demonstrates how expectations, emotions, social norms and other invisible, seemingly illogical forces skew our reasoning abilities.”