• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Laura Lollar

Communication Consultant, Speaker, Writer

  • Article Archives
  • Subscribe
  • About
  • Facilitator
    • Colorado Partnering Facilitator
    • Colorado Strategic Planning Facilitator
    • Colorado Teambuilding Facilitator
  • Coach
    • Colorado Springs Communication Coach
  • Speaker

communication skills

Sep 05 2020

The IRS, Gossip and Infamous Anonymous Sources

During the early years in my business, I facilitated a contract training for an Employee Assistance Provider based in California. Usually I’d work in Colorado, but this time they sent me on a trip back east where I trained for Avon, an insurance company and the IRS, among a few others.

The IRS training was on Eldercare and it seemed to be a popular topic because the room was jammed with over 100 people in attendance. This issue hit home with numerous participants who were primary caregivers for a parent or other loved one. They were also juggling full time jobs, so they appreciated the tips and knowing they weren’t alone.

During one of our audience interaction segments (i.e. when the speaker asks you to turn to your neighbor and discuss X) people shared their own personal stories with one another. There were stories about healthcare situations, living conditions, home care helpers and stress. During that time, I moved around the room listening in and answering questions.

I hovered near one woman who was almost in tears. She told her co-workers all about the trauma of juggling so many responsibilities and watching her loved one go downhill so quickly.

“It’s just awful,” she said. “Every day I have to make sure she gets her food and her medicine. She’s gotten to the point where she can’t chew. Sometimes she wants to go out for a walk and other times she refuses. She has a skin condition and can’t stand the itching so there’s dry skin all over the place. To top it all off, her hair is falling out. I can’t handle this much longer. I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

A man who was listening in from behind her leaned over and said, “Oh for gosh sakes, just have her put down!” The co-workers sitting nearby all nodded sympathetically.

I was aghast. I’d heard stories about the IRS, but this was beyond the pale. Why in the world would he say such a thing about this poor woman’s mother?

They must have noticed my mouth hanging wide open in horror.

“Her dog. She’s talking about her dog,” the man who advised her explained.

Relieved, I said, “I’d heard you folks were tough, but this was more than I expected!”

We all had a good laugh over it. So much for coming in on the “tail end” of a conversation.

And thus to my main point. Don’t believe everything you hear.

Today I heard yet another “news” story based on the world famous “Anonymous Sources.” These people seem to be everywhere and I am astonished at how often they are quoted. They must be very popular indeed AND hugely credible to be taken at their word without even showing their faces OR releasing their names. My gosh, people usually pay PR firms big bucks to be quoted that often and most don’t even mind giving up their true identities. But how much better is it to be quoted without being held accountable for what you are saying. Some would say, that’s the best of both worlds! Others would say it’s gossip.

Don’t you wish you had that kind of clout?

Now, those folks at the IRS spoke up and made it real clear real fast exactly who and what they were talking about because they wanted no misunderstanding. They didn’t want me leaving their office with a mistaken impression. Their reputations would be damaged. That would be horrible. (The IRS doesn’t need that kind of press.) And even worse, I’d be running around sharing a story that wasn’t even true. Imagine how embarrassing that would have been — for all of us!

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Communication · Tagged: communication skills, gossip

Aug 10 2020

Small talk pays off at Mother Cabrini’s Shrine

Heads up Introverts. Small talk pays off.

Decades ago when my kids were young and we had just moved to Denver, Colorado, I took them to Mother Cabrini’s Shrine. It was perched on the side of Lookout Mountain and there were 373 steps to reach the shrine. (We wished we had worn our hiking boots!)

When we finally arrived at the top, it wasn’t a surprise to find the site empty. It was a weekday and we were the only people taking the stairs. But later, three other people joined us – an older gentleman and two women. Being the only people up there, it was almost like standing in an elevator where you can’t ignore those who share the limited space with you.

So I struck up a conversation.

“Hi. Do you live here or are you visiting the Denver area?” I asked.

The gentleman responded, “Oh my wife and I live in Denver, but our friend here is visiting from out of state.”

“Where are you from?” I asked the older woman.

“Upstate New York,” she said.

“Really? Where in Upstate New York?”

“Dear, it’s a very small little town; you wouldn’t recognize the name it’s so small,” she said.

“Well, try me!”

She replied, “It’s a little town called Gates, just outside of Rochester, New York.”

“No kidding!” I said. “I grew up in Chili just up the road from you. What a small world!”

She agreed it was indeed a small world. But it was about to get even smaller.

“I have a very dear friend who lives in Chili. She and I went to school together and have stayed friends for over 60 years,” she explained.

“Oh? What’s her name. Perhaps I know of her.”

“Dear, you’d never know this woman. She’s an old lady just like me! But her name is Marcella Schickler”

Marcella Schickler was my grandmother!

I still smile when I think of her traveling across the country to visit friends and they just so happened to end up at Mother Cabrini’s shrine the same day I took my family on a field trip. And I think what I would have missed out on had I not spoken to this lady and her friends. She was tickled pink about meeting Marcella’s granddaughter and great-grandchildren.

Gramma was pretty tickled too. We took a photo of her friend and I together and I sent it back to my her. She was delighted we had met. Gramma died soon after, so I’m glad it brought her some happiness.

I’ll bet you could share a lot of stories similar to mine. We discover these coincidences by taking an interest in people, by reaching out and asking questions. And by being willing to share information about ourselves.

We don’t want to be too nosy, but small talk like this can reveal all kinds of connections, coincidences and opportunities. What’s the benefit? It makes the world seem more friendly. It could lead to a business deal or a new job. But it doesn’t happen unless we take a few minutes to strike up a conversation.

In my book, taking an interest in others is well worth the effort, especially today when texting and email take the place of far too many face to face interactions. The art of conversation is a dying skill.

So here’s a quick tip on how to make the process easier. You can share this with your introverted pals to help them get over their hesitancy to reach out and connect.

Learn how to ask “how” and “what” questions.

Don’t just ask “How are you doing?” because we all know the answer to that one. It doesn’t take the conversation very far when they respond, “good.” That’s usually the end of it.

But rather, ask…

  • How do you like the Denver area?
  • How has your industry changed?
  • What are you planning for your next vacation?
  • What plans do you have after graduation?
  • How did you decide on this career?

Stick with “how” and “what” questions and you’ll do well.

You’ve heard this before. Open ended questions like the ones above get you more information and better information. We don’t do enough of it. Try it out on one person each day and see how your hesitancy disappears and your confidence builds over time.

And thank goodness you don’t have to climb 373 stairs to the top of a mountain to practice!

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Communication · Tagged: communication skills, Mother Cabrini's Shrine, small talk

Primary Sidebar

Recent Posts

  • Secrets of the DISC High I Influencer Behavioral Style
  • DISC Dominant, Directive Personality Style
  • Secrets of Your Personality Style
  • How to Squash Obnoxious Behavior
  • 5 Things Leaders Must Deliver for Better Engagement
  • Interview with Relationship Coach and Friend Audrey Burton
  • Why Your Biggest Embarrassment Makes You a Better Leader

Copyright © 2021 · Laura Lollar · Communicate Colorado LLC