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Laura Lollar

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Aug 10 2020

Small talk pays off at Mother Cabrini’s Shrine

Heads up Introverts. Small talk pays off.

Decades ago when my kids were young and we had just moved to Denver, Colorado, I took them to Mother Cabrini’s Shrine. It was perched on the side of Lookout Mountain and there were 373 steps to reach the shrine. (We wished we had worn our hiking boots!)

When we finally arrived at the top, it wasn’t a surprise to find the site empty. It was a weekday and we were the only people taking the stairs. But later, three other people joined us – an older gentleman and two women. Being the only people up there, it was almost like standing in an elevator where you can’t ignore those who share the limited space with you.

So I struck up a conversation.

“Hi. Do you live here or are you visiting the Denver area?” I asked.

The gentleman responded, “Oh my wife and I live in Denver, but our friend here is visiting from out of state.”

“Where are you from?” I asked the older woman.

“Upstate New York,” she said.

“Really? Where in Upstate New York?”

“Dear, it’s a very small little town; you wouldn’t recognize the name it’s so small,” she said.

“Well, try me!”

She replied, “It’s a little town called Gates, just outside of Rochester, New York.”

“No kidding!” I said. “I grew up in Chili just up the road from you. What a small world!”

She agreed it was indeed a small world. But it was about to get even smaller.

“I have a very dear friend who lives in Chili. She and I went to school together and have stayed friends for over 60 years,” she explained.

“Oh? What’s her name. Perhaps I know of her.”

“Dear, you’d never know this woman. She’s an old lady just like me! But her name is Marcella Schickler”

Marcella Schickler was my grandmother!

I still smile when I think of her traveling across the country to visit friends and they just so happened to end up at Mother Cabrini’s shrine the same day I took my family on a field trip. And I think what I would have missed out on had I not spoken to this lady and her friends. She was tickled pink about meeting Marcella’s granddaughter and great-grandchildren.

Gramma was pretty tickled too. We took a photo of her friend and I together and I sent it back to my her. She was delighted we had met. Gramma died soon after, so I’m glad it brought her some happiness.

I’ll bet you could share a lot of stories similar to mine. We discover these coincidences by taking an interest in people, by reaching out and asking questions. And by being willing to share information about ourselves.

We don’t want to be too nosy, but small talk like this can reveal all kinds of connections, coincidences and opportunities. What’s the benefit? It makes the world seem more friendly. It could lead to a business deal or a new job. But it doesn’t happen unless we take a few minutes to strike up a conversation.

In my book, taking an interest in others is well worth the effort, especially today when texting and email take the place of far too many face to face interactions. The art of conversation is a dying skill.

So here’s a quick tip on how to make the process easier. You can share this with your introverted pals to help them get over their hesitancy to reach out and connect.

Learn how to ask “how” and “what” questions.

Don’t just ask “How are you doing?” because we all know the answer to that one. It doesn’t take the conversation very far when they respond, “good.” That’s usually the end of it.

But rather, ask…

  • How do you like the Denver area?
  • How has your industry changed?
  • What are you planning for your next vacation?
  • What plans do you have after graduation?
  • How did you decide on this career?

Stick with “how” and “what” questions and you’ll do well.

You’ve heard this before. Open ended questions like the ones above get you more information and better information. We don’t do enough of it. Try it out on one person each day and see how your hesitancy disappears and your confidence builds over time.

And thank goodness you don’t have to climb 373 stairs to the top of a mountain to practice!

Written by Laura Lollar · Categorized: Communication · Tagged: communication skills, Mother Cabrini's Shrine, small talk

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Doug Lollar says

    August 11, 2020 at 9:53 am

    I am so glad I struck up conversation with YOU, 4+ years ago. 🙂
    – your loving husband

    • Laura Lollar says

      August 11, 2020 at 10:31 am

      And I with you too, my dear! -your loving wife

  2. Audrey Burton says

    August 11, 2020 at 10:16 am

    Love this story and it makes a wonderful point. Some of the best conversations I have had stemmed from a type of small talk.

    • Laura Lollar says

      August 11, 2020 at 10:32 am

      It was one of the biggest surprises of my life, Audrey. Glad you enjoyed the story!

  3. Charlie Yanaitis says

    August 11, 2020 at 12:58 pm

    I can small talk with anybody and my wife, Rene’, would sometimes become infuriated with me for doing this as she was more of a reserved and careful person!

    • Laura Lollar says

      August 11, 2020 at 2:54 pm

      You are an expressive person for sure, which makes people enjoy talking with you, Charlie! And I’ve heard opposites attract.

  4. Carole Langdon says

    August 17, 2020 at 9:34 am

    What a great warm hearted story. Loved it. A good reminder to reach out – you never know what happy coincidences are waiting for you.

    • Laura Lollar says

      August 17, 2020 at 10:09 am

      Yes indeed. We never know what surprises come from conversations with people we meet by chance. Glad you enjoyed it, Carole!

  5. Rita Janaky says

    August 20, 2020 at 1:17 pm

    Your story gave me a rush of goose bumps. How cool was that meeting!?

    • Laura Lollar says

      August 22, 2020 at 10:54 am

      It was VERY cool, Rita! Of all the coincidences in the world, this one has been one of the best I’ve experienced!

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